I don't know.
Some of us are driven by want of something greater.
The rest of us can't stand where we are now, which is why we are so desperate, to excel, so we can make a happier place for ourselves. We cannot afford to fail.
I guess thats why JC scares me.
I'm having difficulty accepting the amount of work I have to do. I can do it, but its heavy.
Its strange though, cause when my work was so little in secondary school I would just not come to school and study at home. Now, I have a small family there I look forward to seeing everyday. The guys, about all 9 of them actually.
Some can stand alone in the rain and not give a damn about it, some are more sensitive ; it doesn't matter, they're all my friends.
And for her, for me, for them. For all of us, altogether, I will get stronger, so that I will won't let them down. I must.
A friend once told me never to try to look for my family in my friends if I can't find it at home. I think, both family and friends are exhaustible. So then, I must reach out and take and give from both. I guess in time to come I will learn and understand what she meant, and perhaps through the means of very painfull lessons I shall learn that. She is wise.
I am not studious enough. I know that. I am in need of a timetable. I shall think of that and plan it out on Sunday, perhaps, when my mind is clearer, and I am less worried by allt he things I have to do. I must complete all my work by today.
That is:
1. Ms K's worksheets
2. Ms Zhou's worksheets
3. PW, they haven't sent... SHIT I FELL ASLEEP AN WASN'T ONLINE. holy crapanaden
moving on...
4. completing Jill's farewell gift.
I don't know. Sometimes life is funny. There are things you want to say to people you do not like, perhaps to sway them into your way of thinking so they may change to what is 'better', there are people like that all around, But you know if you do they'll never accept your way of thinking and you two will never rest, but you know you can't change to theirs either.
you dont want to. and you cant, because the social implications and shit that will follow isn't worth it, so we go our seperate ways, never knowing what could have happened, and then we never meet again.
But I can't stand it,I dont have a right to judge people, and I shouldn't.
Then what is this growing disgust flourishing from the depths of me?
Labels: Ponderous
