Really.
I don't wanna sound like some sarcastic, or pretentious ass, but I really DID NOT expect that to happen.
I mean, we calculated, over and over and the best case scenario for me was an 11 for l1r5.
The sunday before yesterday, I went back to church.
stop.
I know, it might seem like, " wah, Phil, so desperate, last minute seek God ". but I'm telling you it had NOTHING to do with the results. It was just that I was going through a tough time, and realised that before I die I wanna find out who God is, because I know all this, not even the big bang, can just pop up by itself. SOMETHING must have made it, so there.
So, I'm very lucky that I have Wei Yang around to guide me, and talk to.
I'm not saying all the rest of my friends can go and screw themselves with a pumpkin, I really really appreciate their love too. I mean, everyone was so positive. None of them said anything in envy yesterday.
cause its like Jason said, " You do your best, God does the rest ".
So we didn't really have any reason to be worried ( even though a few minutes before that I'm sure we were all dropping our balls ).
It was just another day.
And then when the alumni guy came on to talk, I was like, " Aww f*ck off, its not like anybody is really listening, you think our hearts are tuned to listening now?! ".
Then they posted the overall results, and I thought, " f**********ck, bio has only 14% distinctions".
And right there, i thought that i must've gotten B for bio.
And i was chanting to myself:
" Your name will not be on that screen, you got 14 (for l1r5) "
I didn't wanna get my hopes up.
Then when it came to the 6 distinctions. STUN...
1. Philip Ho Zhi Yang a1's:5 a2's:1
Mind went blank. I stared at Ms Lim, didn't know what to do.
Then she gave me that look like , "get on you feet and get up there."
and I was.....like ah..happy, i didn't believe it, i didn't think I worked hard enough for it. So it was weird. expecting nothing and..yeah.
I really wanted to hug Mr. Cha. he deserves it so much, he really believed in me ( no matter how many times he cut my tail ).
and Mrs. Lim! haha, I'm glad i kept my promise to her:)
Ms. Lim uuhhh.. okay, I think my class really wasn't fair to her which was why she was never really enthusiastic in teaching us, but nevertheless, I wanna thank her.
And Mdm. Jayanthi!!! haha, I'm so sorry I forgot her in all the pandemonic joy.
And the CP came and said something funny, I think I heard it wrong or something.
And then thea cried, argh, thought it was because of her dad, but i found out last night that it was really because of me. Its fine now though. I understand why she felt that way.
Dads trying to push me into RJC. I have never really thought of going to jc at all, but i think that RJC is really too crazy. Its where all the 10 A1 freaks go, I don't want to be under that kind of pressure.
and I'm really sad, if I go into the jc i want to, well, the one i like now (ACJC), I don't know how I will see my friends, all of them. Lester and Weiyang will still be easily in touch because of church, but what about the rest? Life is full of problems.
And for those who did not so well, do not fear, a friend from church, Jason said this, " Think of it as God shortening you field of vision to help you focus on a more specific group of courses. You now know where you must go, instead of thinking. It might not be to your liking, but who are we to know? It might not be what is best for us in His eyes"
So yeah. Really wanna thank Jason, haven't seen him in years and hes still the same nice guy.
So yeah. I'm really glad what happened, happened. Really thankful for it, and I wanna thank Anthea, cause shes the reason why I wanted to improve, to become a better man.
Then to my buddies, all of em ( I'm sorry if I miss any ): Weiyang, Lester, Jiacong, Chih Kiat, Jean, Si en. Yup, and all my teachers who believed in me, esp Mr. Cha. Oh! and Jill, for letting me see what poly life was, I regret that I might be going to jc, really, I enjoyed my short time in poly.
And to all the teachers and people that did NOT believe in me, " HA! screw you :p "
No really, screw all of you :p
I'm glad other things have happened lately, Debby Wan and I are talking again, and in the midst of tears and yells, and happy cries, me and Salt hugged and forgave one another.
He just gives so greatly.
So, today, I will be going shopping with anthea for new year clothes. Then on wednesday, I will sit down with Benjamin and discuss my future.
And if any of you want to know, how this tiny speck of a man tried, I am not trying to the arrogant or show off or anything. Just wanna help, its just, i want to. I mean who goes out wishing his friends will all fail?
The one thing that drove me alot, apart from my desire to stand on equal ground with anthea was this. Just one sentence that I thought of, all the time while i was studying my brains out.
"If you want it badly enough, you can get it, no matter what"
Labels: speechless
